the "s" word.

the “s” word.

yup the “s” word. singleness.

now before you X out of this page because you’re thinking one of these 3 things:::

1. “I’ve already read a million blogs/posts/things about singleness - this isn’t worth my time”

2. “I hate talking/reading about this topic”

3. “I’m not single so this doesn’t apply to me”

I’m asking you to PLEASEEEE keep reading:)

Now trust me when I say this, this is a topic I have been avoiding writing about for a long, long time now. I’m one of those people that feels like they already hear the topic of singleness being talked about too much in churches, podcasts, blogs, etc & it’s not necessarily a topic I love bringing up. But seriously as I was about to fall asleep tonight, the Lord suddenly put a few different thoughts on my heart & I couldn’t fall asleep without writing them down. So here I am at midnight, sharing some things I feel like the Lord wanted me to share with YOU.

So first, to all my single ladies out there (& boys too) - HOLLLLLAAAAA

Over the past year, I’ve learned that being single is not something to be ashamed of. We live in a world nowadays where people are setting “relationship goals”, getting married young, and making those of us who aren’t necessarily in that position feel a little left out about where we’re at in life right now.

But I’m here to share a few things with you that the Lord has recently revealed to me, regarding singleness, that have brought me peace and allowed me see how caring + intentional the Lord is with this topic.

Around the end of first semester my freshman year of college, I had reached the point where (being completely honest) I was tired of being single. I felt like everyone around me was suddenly in a relationship & everywhere I went whether it be church, chapel, a school event, life group, someone was talking about relationships. I was growing frustrated and annoyed when suddenly one day someone shared a lil tidbit of knowledge with me and it finally all seemed to click. They said “until you begin to genuinely spend time with the Lord, how are you going to be able to make time for someone else?” Boom. It all suddenly made sense. I knew honestly that I wasn’t in that place. I may have been spending time with the Lord, but not enough to where I also felt like I had enough energy and devotion to pour into someone else.

So if I could give you a little piece of advice whether you’re single or currently in a relationship, that would be to make time for the Lord, so that you can then make time for a relationship. Until you are 100% pursuing the Lord, you’re not going to be able to 100% pursue someone else in the way that they should be pursued.

This idea is something I realized was so so important. We are not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship with someone until we have a healthy relationship with the Lord.

More recently, there was another idea that I suddenly realized was so important and something I needed to work on in this season. Ya know how people say to embrace being single and enjoy that time blah blah blah...well they’re actually kinda right. What I’ve come to realize is how valuable this time is in preparing yourself individually as the Lord is also preparing someone else individually. This time is so valuable in letting yourself grow, learn, fail, and most importantly draw near to God before He perfectly places you and another “individually prepared” person together.

Now hang with me. There’s one more point I want to touch on & I truly believe it’s the most important and life changing one.

In church one Sunday my pastor made a comment saying, “people are human, they are going to let you down, and they’re not going to fulfill every desire your heart longs for.” In that moment I realized how right he was. As humans, we make mistakes, we’re not perfect, and we don’t do everything right. I think all my other single friends out there could agree that in this season of doing life just us and Jesus, with no boyfriend/girlfriend, we sometimes feel like we’re lacking things that only can be found in an earthly relationship. Things like wanting to be admired, loved, appreciated, and accepted by someone else. Having someone who we can confide in, someone special to spend time with, someone who will be by our side in both the good times and the bad. Well guess what....we do! And that person is someone who isn’t human, who won’t make mistakes and who is perfect. His name is Jesus.

Still today, I catch myself hoping to find comfort, love, guidance, reassurance, peace, validation, etc. from people around me rather than my Father. My Father who already offers me and gives me these things free of any charge. He is constant and He will never fail us.

Be honest with yourself. We all dream of finding these qualities in a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend who will fulfill all these desires, but we forget that these desires are not fulfilled by earthly things/people. The only way we can feel full in all these areas of life & more is by receiving these things from the Lord. He tells us we are worthy, He loves us to an extent that no person on earth will ever, ever be capable of loving, and He will never fail us, never leave our side, and always be the better half of ourself.

In this current season of life, that’s what the Lord has been showing me. That I can find all these things in Him and I don’t need someone else to come into my life to fulfill and play the part of all these different roles. One, no human is possibly capable of being all these things in one and two, these attributes are attributes of God that He so kindly offers to us and desires to share with us.

I believe that being in a Christ-centered relationship is so special as you both are able to point each other towards Christ and learn from one another, but that’s the key....you help point each other to Christ so that He may fulfill your needs and not one another.

I’ve started practicing looking to the Lord when I need to be reminded that He knows what’s best for me, that He can help me through my worst times, that He is the one who calls me beautiful and loved. Our human nature is to turn to others in seeking for these desires, but we need to ultimately find these things in the Lord.

So wherever you are with relationships, whether you’re single, dating, or married, I hope these few points that the Lord so kindly placed on my heart serve as a reminder to you of how deeply the Lord loves you and truly wants you to experience the best, in both the love He gives us and the love we receive from others.

I read a blog the other day and it ended by saying:

“Don’t give up on Love, don’t give up on God’s timing!”

So for now, I’m taking that motivation and reminder & running with it. It’ll be so worth it in the end.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

b.

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